Yesterday afternoon, my friend L and I decided to take our books and find a nice quiet coffee shop to sit in and read and relax for the afternoon. Apparently, our entire neighborhood had the same idea so we ended up at Bobtail ice cream (because when we said coffee, we really meant ice cream. Naturally.) Our friend J joined us and three hours later our books will still sitting, unopened, on the table. A couple of months ago, several of us had convinced J that in order to fully understand women, he needed to read Pride and Prejudice. Well, over Christmas he did just that and announced to us yesterday when the topic came up again that he still didn't get it. If all women want a man like Mr. Darcy, does that mean that they want someone to be mean to them and practically ignore that they are even in the room? J identifies more with Mr. Bingly (or is it Bingley? I don't remember). What does that mean for him?
These questions lead us to discuss relationships for the next 2 and half hours. We tried to clarify what it is that girls and guys are actually looking for and rehashed our past relationships (or lack there of) in an attempt to figure it all out.
At the end of the conversation I think that we concluded one thing. Girls do not make things easy on guys, guys are so confused that they can't figure which way is up, and in the end, we are all completely messed up!
L and I explained that women are looking for a guy who is not too nice, but not mean either. Who will pay attention to us but ignore us at the same time. Be romantic, but not too romantic. Be sincere but be sure not to seem so sincere that we think you are insincere. Bring us gifts often enough but not too often. Initiate things, but don't come on too strong. We want to end up with the nice guy but we will always date the bad boy first. At this point, I was beginning to side with the guys in their opinion that all girls are completely out of their mind!
I think that the conclusion that I came up with at the end is that we are all individuals and that we have to be aware of that. Each woman is looking for something different than the one next to her and each man is looking for something different than his buddy. We can't lump each other into huge categories and say that all men play games and all women want to be showered with attention. We each come with our own set of expectations as well as our own disappointments from relationships (or non-relationships) past.
Here are a couple of lingering questions from the afternoon:
How do you guard your heart without being too guarded?
Where is the balance between waiting for God to bring the right person into your life and going out and finding them yourself?
Here's to a great afternoon spent with coffee, ice cream and fabulous friends who are willing to sit for three hours on really hard chairs and pour out their hearts!
These questions lead us to discuss relationships for the next 2 and half hours. We tried to clarify what it is that girls and guys are actually looking for and rehashed our past relationships (or lack there of) in an attempt to figure it all out.
At the end of the conversation I think that we concluded one thing. Girls do not make things easy on guys, guys are so confused that they can't figure which way is up, and in the end, we are all completely messed up!
L and I explained that women are looking for a guy who is not too nice, but not mean either. Who will pay attention to us but ignore us at the same time. Be romantic, but not too romantic. Be sincere but be sure not to seem so sincere that we think you are insincere. Bring us gifts often enough but not too often. Initiate things, but don't come on too strong. We want to end up with the nice guy but we will always date the bad boy first. At this point, I was beginning to side with the guys in their opinion that all girls are completely out of their mind!
I think that the conclusion that I came up with at the end is that we are all individuals and that we have to be aware of that. Each woman is looking for something different than the one next to her and each man is looking for something different than his buddy. We can't lump each other into huge categories and say that all men play games and all women want to be showered with attention. We each come with our own set of expectations as well as our own disappointments from relationships (or non-relationships) past.
Here are a couple of lingering questions from the afternoon:
How do you guard your heart without being too guarded?
Where is the balance between waiting for God to bring the right person into your life and going out and finding them yourself?
Here's to a great afternoon spent with coffee, ice cream and fabulous friends who are willing to sit for three hours on really hard chairs and pour out their hearts!
4 comments:
Ooooh, good post. The Hubs and I had a discussion about this just last night. Basically it went like this: Me: "You know, you can [go ahead and do this one thing that sometimes annoys me, because I'm trying to be more accommodating] more often. It's okay, really." S: "Really?" Me: "Yes, but I reserve the right to be annoyed whenever I want."
:)
yes, us girls are a bit nutty. we are crazy but someone boys still like us. i am not sure how a boy and a girl actually end up together ... somehow it usually works out in the end.
i must say very nicely written blog too! very witty and insightful! love it.
Jen, I had to laugh at your wondering how men & women actually end up together because I was thinking that exact thing--in serious wonderment!--just the other day. It really is like stumbling across a pile of cash that is for the taking. If it was easy we'd all have been married years ago in the flush of youth. Instead, some of us are in our 30's (or pushing 30) and still single with a string of disappointments to keep us warm at night.
Bottom line: it's amazing that it actually works out in the end.
How do you guard your heart? I think that comes from taking an honest look at yourself and what you do to contribute to unsuccessful relationships, and then working on those things. It also means being honest about how others have hurt you and learning from it, but not holding the sins of others against anybody new. It's just not fair. I think doing all of those things allows you to protect your heart without putting up barriers too high to be crossed.
As for whether you wait passively for God to bring someone into your life, I say absolutely not. That doesn't mean you have to join every dating service around, but it does mean you have to take responsibility and be actively open to new opportunities, in whatever form they may come.
Great topic!
Your friends L and J sound really cool.
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